How to become an Alpha Male

By on July 4, 2011

Advantages of becoming an Alpha Male

It’s commonly known that women feel a lot more attracted to Alpha Males than they do to other guys. Put simply, men who do not display alpha male characteristics have a very hard time attracting women and maintaining their interest. Also in social situations, Alpha Males receive respect and attention whereas guys that don’t display alpha male characteristics are often ignored.

So how does an alpha male behave? Is it enough to be cocky and funny? Is busting on women and being a hard-ass enough to get the beautiful women most men want?

Unless you look like a supermodel and girls become horny simply because you’re there, that stuff won’t work. It might get you passed her initial barriers and hold her attention for a little while… but then what will you do? What will you say? What will you talk about?

Simply joking around won’t keep the conversation going and especially, it won’t keep it going the direction you want. You need to lead the conversation into the topics that will capture her imagination and emotions. If you don’t do this within the first 10 – 15 minutes of talking to her, she’ll lose interest and quickly dismiss you.

Ok, so what does it take to attract her and keep her interested? It takes a certain behavior that when displayed, will let women know that you’re not just another wimp trying to get into her pants. This behavior can be developed over time and it’s what will get you the women and the respect you want. In other words, you have to become an alpha male.

If you decided you want to know about this behavior and you want to become an alpha male, one of the first things you must learn about is leadership.

The importance of leadership

Women don’t like Alpha Men as described by most “gurus” – men who are loud, pushy, aggressive and full of themselves. Guys that only care about themselves and what they want, ignoring everybody else.

The reality is that humans, male and female alike respond to leadership. And leadership has little or nothing to do with the silly behavior described above.

alpha male

True leadership is about having a certain set of skills that can be learned, and if you want to become an alpha male, you will have to learn these skills.

First of all, you have to be able to strongly guide, and set a strong direction. But at the same time, you need to listen to the other person to find out where they are at and what moves them.

This is the ideal combination that will make you extremely attractive to women, and here is why:

It’s a common misconception that guys are divided in two categories: Nice guy, and Jerk. These are two really bad extremes that you should avoid.

The “nice guy”: The problem with nice guys is that they not only listen to a woman to find out about her, but they lose themselves in the woman’s emotions. So if she’s upset, the nice guy becomes upset also. If she’s a little anxious about proceeding further, sexually, the nice guy gets anxious too, mistaking her anxiety for his own. He doesn’t just listen; he loses himself in the woman. This leads to disaster because women don’t like this kind of behavior. It’s very unattractive.

The “jerk”: Jerks have no problem setting and holding a strong direction. But they don’t care at all about how hard they have to step all over a woman’s feelings to do so. They only do as they please and nobody else matters, so they wind up either attracting very damaged women , or damaging the women they do attract , bringing out the worst sides of even relatively  normal healthy women . To feel good, the jerk has to make other people feel bad. And most of us are quite naturally repelled by such behavior.

True leadership

To become an alpha male and to be a true leader, you have to be able to keep your own desire and intent strong, while at the same time recognizing, listening to, and gathering information about the women you wish to attract.

When you can make women feel both listened to and led, both recognized and guided, then you will carry a “vibe” about you that no busting, sarcastic, “Alpha” loudmouth could ever even hope to imitate, much less realize and enjoy.

You can and should do all of this with and through a sense of fun and humor. But once the joking stops, the substance has to begin. And that substance is what sets you apart as an alpha male.

How to become an Alpha Male

Have a goal in life

In order to lead other people, you must first have a destination. You have to know where you’re heading in life, what you want to achieve, who you want to become. Design a path for yourself, make some rules, a code if you will – and stick to it. Try not to stray from your path and do everything in your power to make it to the next “checkpoint”.

Have a positive attitude

If you want to become an alpha male, you must begin with your attitude. Learn to stay relaxed and to not let anything worry you.  You can’t change anything by just worrying and being negative so why would you act like that?

Be fun and energetic and this will propel you as a more interesting person. In addition, if you are a negative person, you will only attract the same type of people around you, and I don’t think that’s what you’re looking for.

Be confident

Being confident on the inside will help you shine confidence on the outside. This is all part of mastering your ‘inner game’.  If you don’t have money, girls, power, or anything else that you believe that attracts women, that doesn’t mean you don’t have what it takes to become an alpha male. Everything comes from what you think about yourself. If you consider yourself unworthy of beautiful women, respect, power, money or anything else you might desire, then you won’t get them. If you believe you deserve these things, and act like it, others will believe it too and they’ll treat you as such.

Stop reading pick up rule books

An Alpha Male isn’t a guy who reads rules in a book or copies things he’s seen other guys do. He’s not stuck in his head trying to remember what some guy wrote in his book. He’s doing what he knows is right in every moment.

Your body language must convey confidence

You must appear to have dominance. Be relaxed and comfortable in your surroundings. Take up lots of space. Don’t fidget or bounce around. Don’t blink so much! Move slower! Relax!

Fill the holes in your belief system

If you are uncertain of what you believe in and why you believe in it, now is the time to solidify your boundaries. Nothing is wrong with critical thinking and you can always change your beliefs down the road. But know the reasons you are doing the things you do. This means having a personal code and living by it. Whether it is religious or whether it is secular, define what makes you happy and stick to your path.


One of the hardest attributes to learn, adaptability is as close to being an instinctual and inherent quality as I like to think is possible. Adaptability, and your comfort with it, will accumulate as you continue to have personal experiences. To work on your adaptability, throw yourself in a variety of experiences that you are unfamiliar with. You will become more comfortable handling the unknown, as well as pick up on maladaptive patterns for self-correction.

Live in the present

By being present and not thinking about the past or future you begin to base your decision making on instinct. In fact, more often than not your instincts will tell you the right decision to make. Often past experience and worrying hinders your decision making ability. Live in the moment.

Be physically fit

You shouldn’t go overboard, but you can always keep your mind and body sharp with physical fitness and weight lifting. Even if it’s only a couple times a week, it will give you the necessary positive beliefs to understand you’re the protector of the ones you love. And in reality when you build muscle and strength, you will in fact become a better protector..

Don’t let your own personal well being or mood be affected by others

People who are unhappy with their lives or the way they’ve turned out have a remarkable ability to bring others down with them. Misery loves company. Don’t be one of these people who get sucked down through unjust criticism and belittlement. An alpha male lets the insults roll off him back like water rolls off a duck.

Assume high status

When a man walks into a room of people, he will either:

a) Assume lower status and look around for a leader to follow or get approval from. In other words, he’ll check to see how others are behaving and then follow their lead.

b) Assume high status, take on the role of the leader (or at least one of the leaders) and naturally expect others to follow him or at least show him respect.

Typically, alpha males are more like the second type of guy listed above.  If you’re like the first guy, you probably don’t experience much success with women. If you’re more like the second guy, you most-likely have women falling all over you everywhere you go.


  1. Mike

    May 13, 2013 at 8:23 am

    Tony Soprano is undoubtedly an alpha male.

  2. Anthony

    December 15, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    This is by far the best article I ever come across talking about men, me included. I have always confused attention seekers with alpha male and am even surprised to know that most of my own traits are more of an alpha male than the loud attention seekers.
    I normally tend to attract nice women who are almost religious and have great sense of direction and I guess am the magnet for them since I have always considered myself inflexible but reality is some people think I have unmovable principles and strong focus of what I want with myself. Thanks for this article.

  3. undiscovered

    May 23, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    until today i had no idea i might even be an alpha male and thought i was working very hard at not being one i.e. boastful, loud, womaniser, fickled, bullish, spoilt, egotistical earthworm basically. i think having read the article and others it is not bad being me. the alpha male though then does have the potential to be really cruel in their interaction with others and so give what could be a good thing bad publicity. i will regard my position and there to be a better balanced male and if that is interpreted a alpha male then good. today i have lear something new about me. so thanks for your views, time and contribution.

  4. Rebel

    March 1, 2012 at 7:28 am

    haha.. good article, my homegirl sent me the link to this page so i decided to read it through and noticed something important was left out..
    *A leader has to have a goal, otherwise he has nothing to lead others to and will be clueless himself. Afterall, many of the qualities the alpha possesses have do to the simple fact—> he’s willing to do what others aren’t.. an alpha is not necessarily good nor bad, just powerful.. and relaxed enough to not be bothered by the little things

    • alphamen

      March 9, 2012 at 4:57 pm

      You’re right, I think I’ll add that to the list :)

  5. Sam13

    February 27, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    intresting stuff on here.

    How do you apply that with someone who is autistic though? the fact that they dont understand body language, social cues etc any ideas will be great. thanks

    ps IM Autistic

  6. Ahmad

    January 12, 2012 at 3:41 am

    Well, to sum things up, always have principles and stand by them! an alpha male listens to the wants of his heart(emotions) but he acts with his mind (reason), he listens to those he leads, therefore, he is a good leader. Moreover, an alpha male is ready to stand up for himself in front of anyone and everyone, because as we know alpha males are usually leaders, and if leaders don’t stand up for themselves how can they stand up for those they lead. Last but not least, the most important skill you need to have in order to be an alpha male successfully, is to be fair to yourself, because only then can you be fair to others and therefore be a fair leader! :)

  7. Julia

    October 28, 2011 at 4:09 am

    I have never been interested in the “alpha” male.
    They are annoying with how great they think they are and how cocky they act.
    I prefer the sigma male,or the quiet outsiders.
    They don’t need all the attention and ego boosting as the Alpha.

    • Kevin

      December 12, 2011 at 7:15 pm

      well i’m one of those sigma males now, and i never had women fall over for me so there must be something about the alpha’s that makes them more attractive julia. i notice it at my school every day. it’s not that we need all the attention but women certainly don’t come knocking at your door and what we all want is some love at some point.

    • Jared

      December 18, 2011 at 12:15 pm

      What you think your attracted to is very different to what you actually are attracted to, it’s subconscious and instinctual. Cosmo and Rom-Com movies tell you you want a nice guy but your instincts tell you different.

    • alphamen

      December 18, 2011 at 9:59 pm

      Julia, a real Alpha Male doesn’t need ego boosting.

      You’re confusing the Alpha Male with the loud-mouth asshole who picks on everybody and is always trying to be the center of attention, who, in my opinion is just another jerk. Usually guys like that attract damaged girls.

      The Alpha Male is usually appreciated by the group because he cares about the well-being of every member and leads in a good direction. I think you’d be interested in a guy like that :)

      • Laura K

        December 20, 2011 at 4:50 pm

        I agree with ALPHAMEN: the jerks don’t care about you (or anyone else), the so called nice guys don’t tailor the niceness to you (and other people will walk all over them), the Alpha Male is in charge of his own life and cares enough about you to learn/fulfill your wants and desires (but doesn’t let you become become a demanding xxxxx). My Tip to the Guys: If you’re dating an Alpha Female, (I bought my first home by myself at age 22), be prepared that things that “wow” other girls may or may not be expected from you. Learn your lady, and know yourself… ALPHAMEN is right on.

    • Mel

      January 13, 2012 at 9:00 pm

      I think that this article has made it clear that the Alpha Male doesn’t need to be cocky and funny. Men that boast about their egos ARE NOT ALPHA MALES! They are still in an immature state of mind and far from being an Alpha Male.

      The quiet outsiders are closer to what an Alpha Male is.

    • Ivan

      June 24, 2012 at 1:28 pm

      Being an Alpha doesnt me cocky or being full of themselves

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